Miscombobulations of Utterance and Thoughts

When I was little, I watched my grandmother stick hat pins into her hat before she left the house. I couldn't wait till I grew up so that the hat pins wouldn't hurt when I stuck them in my head.

"I always use IdahoMaines", a lady from church told Mrs. S. She asked her what that was. She said "they are a particular type of potato".

When I first entered dentistry in southern Indiana, people would call up saying they had "The" toothache. I puzzled over that...there's one tooth and that particular person had it that day?


I like to come visit to your house, she said. It's always so clear and I can see you very well there.

My cousin told us that the little rubber tips on our sneakers were there so that the mosquitoes couldn't bite our toes.



"Come pick us up, Mom, but don't come with that wayback flapped open again."-How to embarrass your kids.

My neighbor told me she was so glad they invented Formicawaves to cook meals fast.

His minister preached that we should help heal the "Dope A dicks".

Her cleaning lady said she doesn't do windows but she will dust the Lavalier blinds.

Our building contractor says we need more "installation" in the walls of the garage.

My great aunt that always wore her mink coat, metal woven purse and wedgie shoes with the fruit on them was always Flustrated by something, my grandma said.

Grandma always said to move the waxed fruit bowl off the coffee table so that Uncle Bernie doesn't get his teeth stuck in them again.

My mother wore a black floppy hat to a big ceremony for my Lieutenant Colonel Uncle Russell. She was cutting the cake and her hat caught on fire. She never wore that hat again.



I took my kids to Hills Department store when they were in Jr. High. Hills was not the place to be seen but they had great prices. In the check out line I dropped my change purse. My kids stood there and looked away.